Focus
I had fully intended to write today. I've had some other stuff going on this week, so I didn't get to write as much as is good for my soul. So, I really wanted to write today. But it's really hot. And I every time I start to put together a coherent thought, I just revert back to thinking about how hot it is. I'm a spaz anyway, so focusing is hard when I don't have to think about the 100 degrees in the back yard or the wilting plants or the sweat running down my chest or the fact that I can't believe I don't have air conditioning in my car. See. I'm already distracted. What was I saying? Oh. Right. I wanted to write. I also wanted to mop the floors and fold laundry and paint the patio table I procured from my neighbor up the hill. I wanted to do a lot of things. BUT IT'S SO HOT. So, I didn't do too much of any of that. And when I sat down to write, I had nothing. But had a lot of things that I wanted to write about. I just couldn't demonstrate any cognitive function at that point. Then I thought of something. Something I had said earlier in the week while I was out with a friend. I made reference about the diversity of thought and the ability to have a discussion, despite differences of opinion, and how important those aspects are when you communicate with others. Since this blog is just a medium for me to communicate with others, I thought I might get some feed back from you on a few of the ideas that have been swimming around my brain over the past few days.
Burning Questions
The basic communication model states that communication cannot exist with out a sender and a receiver. The sender initiates a message, the receiver acknowledges the message and gives feedback. Because communication is never one sided, I'd like a little input. Below is a list of questions I have been mulling over recently. I know that they are diverse and abstract, but these are the things I think about regularly. See if anything touches a nerve or strikes an image or conjures any emotion. Let me know what you have....I'd love to hear.
1.) When you chose to enter into a relationship, be it a personal, professional, sexual, how do you decide what is important? I guess essentially, how do you connect with people? How do you form successful relationships?
2.) Music. Is it just background noise, or is it inspiration? Does your choice in music reflect your personality?
3.) Monogamy . I recently read an article (http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/21/opinion/laslocky-monogamy-marriage) that suggested that humans are not monogamous. Can we be? Is it a choice? Do we just find a soul mate? Why do we decide to be monogamous? What are the benefits? Does
"the one" exist?
4.) I haven't had an orgasm that was not self induced in 9 years. Is there such thing as good sex anymore? How do you define good sex? Is it important to have an orgasm?
5.) Fear. I am afraid of a lot of things. Everyday I worry about something. Most of you know, by now, the things that make me fearful. What makes you fearful? What is worth being afraid about? Is fear productive?
Feedback
So, if you choose, please let me know what you think about one or all of these ideas. The likelihood is pretty good that they will all get addressed in the future, so keep that in mind. I just don't want to feel like I'm talking to myself all the time. Which I do. A lot. It helps with the inner peas. And so does this. Looking forward to hearing some ideas.
Here are my responses to you on this hot, silent, night:
ReplyDeleteWhat is important to me in a personal relationship that I would like to see last? -- that we have values in common; that we find the same things funny; that we find the same things angering; that we are OK with each others' eccentricities. This is the kind of relationship I have with my kids and women friends. Sexual relationships are something else, and I haven't had one in more than a dozen years. I only required good sexual vibes, including the enjoyment of flirting and foreplay. Except for the 14 years I was married, none of my sexual relationships lasted more than 3 years. Some only one night. Professional relationships are a whole other thing. They can become personal if they qualify (see above), but it's best to steer away from combining the sexual and professional.
Some people are monogamous. After I got divorced, I practiced what I called “serial monogamy,” and it worked for me. But I was able to make my own way financially and had lots of personal relationships with both men and women that gave me a social life and a support system. Occasionally, my sexual and personal relationships overlapped for a while. Monogamy can give one a sense of security and the pleasure of shared experiences. But I think you have to be able to successfully combine the personal with the sexual. I have heard it said that the best monogamous relationships are based on compatible neuroses. I have seen that to be true. But not in my case.
Most men don't understand the female orgasm, so I found ways to help myself to reach it – either alone or with a man. I have also enjoyed sex without having an orgasm. I think each woman has to decide what she needs and how to get it. So much depends upon feel confident about your own sexuality.
Everything about me reflects my personality and my frame of mind, including music – which, to me is sometimes background, sometimes inspirational; sometimes relaxing and sometimes energizing. It all depends.
It seems to me that your fears are all very legitimate. I think fear is only productive if it propels you to accept the possibility that the worst can happen, while at the same time taking actions to try to make the best happen. I believe that you are doing that. I also believe that when you manage to get to a more stable state (financially and physically), you will find that you have much fewer fears. Your fears today are not unwarranted. The challenge is to keep them from dis-empowering you.
Right now, my life is stable. I have only one fear: that my adult son, who has been unemployed for several years and for whom I provide financial support, will wind up on the street when I die. Having children, I guess, always means feeling some fear where they are concerned.
I just want to remind you to get to Planned Parenthood for a free mammogram etc. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/womens-health/breast-cancer-screenings-21189.htm
ReplyDelete