BFD
It’s the most powerful force on the planet…Maybe the
universe. It can build families. It can destroy homes. It can be the demise of entire dynasties. Stronger than the tides. More prevailing than the winds. Fierier, even, than molten lava. What is this cosmically influential entity? It’s sex, of course. It owns us.
The way we think. The way we
dress. The way we talk. The things we talk about. Even the way we see the world is contingent
on our perception of sex. I know. It’s real Freudian. Again, I don’t ever claim to have any “new”
ideas. I’m just trying to offer my
perspective on the things we already know.
Anyway, we all know that we are sexual beings. But why?
Why is it such a big fucking deal?
Our entire being is centered on sex.
It’s how we define love. It’s how
we gain acceptance. It’s how we create a
family. Hell, in some cases, it’s how we define ourselves. It’s
everything we interpret to be important.
But why?
Much Ado about
Nothing…Again.
When you meet that person who “completes” you, you want to
explore your connection on a deeper, more emotional level. The only place to go from good conversation
and intense stares and the “unintentional” brush of the hand, is sex. And that’s why it’s a big deal. Because we work ourselves up over these
remarkably ordinary interactions that happen with extraordinary people. (Whether or not those people are actually
extraordinary is a different conversation, and I’m sure I’ll address it at some
point. But for the sake of tonight’s discussion,
let’s just assume they are, in fact, extraordinary.) So, there you are in a restaurant
or on the beach or sitting in lawn chairs in the front yard, and you know you that
this person is about to ignite your soul.
That’s when it happens: The
kiss. The kiss leads to touching. Then to more kissing. When, finally, you realize that you can’t
breathe. Now your skin is on fire, you
can’t touch enough, and you are suffocating.
It’s very romantic. Then there’s
the sex.
Why is it Always so
Awkward?
A few weeks ago, I was talking to a few girlfriends and one
of them said, with a straight face “why is it always so uncomfortable?” And the four of us sat in silence for a few
minutes. Yeah. Why is it so uncomfortable? Why is hot sex so awkward? You would think that, by definition, awkward would
preclude hot. But we always have to be
inventive. We always have to try
different things. We need pillows and
swings and potions to keep it interesting.
If it was that interesting in the first place, wouldn’t we just be satisfied
with what’s comfortable?
I once said to a man:
“Did you actually just have sex with me with those ridiculous socks on?” I didn’t actually notice the ridiculous socks
at the time. With or without, the sex
would have been the same: marginal at
best. But it was sex that I couldn’t
live without…until we had it. Then I
realized, I could have done without.
Especially since, despite the quality of the sex, we were now physically
AND emotionally connected. The perfect
recipe for crazy.
Excellent. Now
everything is awkward.
The Difference
between Men and Women
OK. So, back to the
question at hand…Why is sex such a big deal?
Good, I’m glad you asked. It’s because
women associate acceptance from a man with sex.
It’s because (yes this is cliché and gender profiled) women feel like we
are “giving” ourselves to someone we feel an emotional connection with. And
once we validate that connection, women are cool. Don’t need it, don’t want it. We’re good.
Men, on the other hand, look at sex a little differently. They like sex, obviously. And they’re up for it in the beginning. But if sex isn’t produced with one woman,
they know there will be another. Men aren’t going to get emotionally attached
over sex. Until they are in a monogamous
relationship. Then, sex is what the
salvation of society hinges on. It’s the
biggest fucking deal on the planet. If
he’s not getting any, than the world will certainly implode. Ever heard of the black hole theory? That’s what happens.
In either case, it causes
hostility, resentment, and destruction.
It’s a Big Deal
Now, don’t misunderstand. Sex is important to women, too. There have been multiple periods in my adult
life (right now, included), that I have gone years without sex. And it is always a big deal.
My girlfriends tell me “Just go
to a bar.” But that is not the
answer. I have a vibrator. It’s not that. It’s the connection. That’s why it’s a big deal. Even though I’ve only ever gotten two things
out of sex: 1.) A false sense of
emotional security. 2.) A valid source of resentment, It’s still a big deal. I don’t know how this relates to inner peas,
but as my friend Pedro would say, “It needs said.”
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