Rebound

The Best Way to Get Over One, is to Get Under Another

Ah…The timeless adage.  Revered and respected by recently scored women for millennia.  It’s the perfect excuse for replacing reason with promiscuity.  It’s the advice that women give to other women to offer comfort and solidarity.  These are the words you whisper to your girlfriends when they begin to exhibit suicidal, or even homicidal, ideations after a breakup.  The context of the breakup is irrelevant.  It could be mutual.  It could be amicable.  It may not have even been a real breakup.  It, quite possibly, could have been a glimpse at a disheartening image of Bradley Cooper and Rachel McAdams on the cover of US magazine.  Regardless, for some reason, women think this is sound advice to give the ladies they love when they are hurting. 

It’s advice, alright. 

The Breakup

Has this ever happened to you?  Have you ever found yourself suddenly absent of a meaningful relationship?  And have you ever found yourself hold up in the corner of a lightless closet, drinking from the spicket of a box of wine, revisiting EVERY SECOND of a questionable relationship that you somehow manufactured into an epic love story?  It’s happened to me.  Repeatedly.  Then it happened again. 

Even though I am a relatively successful, independent woman.  And even though I am more-or-less satisfied living the life of a eunuch, I still commit myself to every emotional retard who has the gumption to bring me a cup of coffee or compliment my hair.  “Hehehehehehe…oh, he’s so nice and cute and he’s different.  Hehehehehehe.”  But he’s not different.  Ever.  In fact, he’s the same guy.  Over.  And over.  And over. 

Fool Me Once...

So,  after all of the heartache over all of these emotionally unavailable asshats, you would probably think that my susceptibility to investing in every heap of horse crap that made an appearance with a cup of coffee would subside.  If you thought that, you were wrong.  I am the definition of insanity.  I buy into it every time.  But you have to give me credit for being two things:  1.)  Consistent.  2.)  Committed.  Because even though I make the same ridiculous mistakes over and over, I am dedicated to making myself crazy over worthless men who have absolutely ZERO relationship potential. 

Rebound

Despite the fact that I should probably be committed for my commitment to annihilating my own emotional well-being, I have never committed the cardinal sin of relationship recovery…I have never used a rebound!  Or at least, I hadn’t ever used a rebound.  Then I did it. 

Perfect Timing

“Ang, the best way to get over a man is to get under another.”  Yeah.  I’ve heard.  But I never made good on it before.  I figured that I never would.  Rebounding just isn’t my thing.  I prefer the solitary, self-destructive approach to emotional healing.  Having a rebound just wouldn’t be painful enough.  No, I’ll just keep sucking off this wine-box nozzle.  Thanks for looking out though, friends. 

That had been my position.  And I stuck to it, after all, I am committed.  Then the universe offered an alternative.  It was a balmy spring evening.  I was nursing a Big Gulp full of Pinot, mourning the loss of, yet another, “special man.”  As I was belittling myself for the most recent display of poor judgment, I got a text that said “I’m back in town.”  Well, how’s that for perfect timing?  Ok, it wasn’t actually perfect timing.  I had known he was coming.  For months.  It was more the fulfillment of a year-long threat.  But for the purpose of storytelling, let’s just say that text message was a sign from the UNIVERSE.  Well, everyone knows it's bad form to ignore signs from the universe.  So, I did it.  I rebounded. 

Advice

The purpose of a rebound is to move forward with your life, without too much self-degradation.  But it’s always a crap shoot.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes it does not.   So, if you are going to take a gamble on your emotional stability, you should probably do it with a man you haven’t been in love with before.   You should never rebound with a guy you think, or have ever thought, could be the one.  It only hurts your heart.  And that is not inner peas.