Girlfriends

 

"Ask any woman how she makes it through the day, and she may mention her calendar, her to-do lists, her babysitter. But if you push her on how she really makes it through her day, she will mention her girlfriends." -Anna Quindlen

Life

Life is really hard.  It makes you feel isolated and irrational and indignant.   As it should.  Because finding direction in a hurricane isn’t only difficult, it’s also humbling.  And that’s what life is.  A hurricane.  It’s unrelenting winds.  It’s torrential downpours.  It’s destruction and devastation.  It’s coping with the aftermath.  Life is traumatic.  It’s my policy to never trust anyone who tells you otherwise.  People who claim that life is easy are LIARS.  And when you encounter those who put on the façade of leading a charmed life, you can pretty much assume that they aren’t being completely honest about their journeys.  It doesn’t matter what your lot is, LIFE IS HARD.  That’s kind of the point, though.  We must overcome adversity in order to appreciate our gifts. 

So, how do we accept and defeat such overwhelming challenges?  We certainly cannot weather the storm alone.  Enter your girlfriends. 

So, You’re Busy?

We are all busy.  We are trying to pay bills and raise children and do laundry and wash the car and cook dinner and maintain employment.  When are you going to have time for anything else?  How can you possibly have time for friendships?  I was busy.  That was my justification for alienating myself from most relational interactions.  That and friendships are work.  I already work a lot.  I don’t have the time to work at relationships, too.  PLUS…There’s a lot of give and take and I am the kind of friend who takes a lot.  That leaves me with a lot of guilt.  How can I possibly give back what I’m getting?  I know that there is some sort of cosmic scorecard, tallying up all of my relational failures.  And I don’t want to have to ante up to that debt.  So, yes,  I’m busy.  And no, I don’t want to be friends. 

Until…

One morning I woke up and I had girlfriends.  I have no idea where they came from.  I have no idea what attracted them to me.  I am boring and shallow and self-consumed.  And my friends are anything but those things.  My friends are smart and witty and talented.  They are caring and compassionate.  They allow me the freedom to act like a crazy person until the crazy needs to be corralled.  My girlfriends drink wine and laugh and hug.  How did this happen?  Girlfriends were supposed to be high maintenance.  They were supposed to consume precious time.  They were supposed to be deceitful and insecure and irritating.  They were supposed to be a lot of work. 

Girlfriends

My mom always says “The reason I had a successful marriage is because I knew what my husband could relate to and what he couldn’t.  And I knew when it was time to call my girlfriends.”  She’s right.  So often, we put our faith in our significant other to solve, or at best, understand, our delinquencies.  And if, perchance, you are without a significant other, then you only have yourself to look to when you need advice or a sounding board or a friendly smile.  Either way, you can’t do it alone.  That’s why the universe gave us girlfriends.  They are our salvation. 

Salvation

Who else can you cry to?  Who else will cry with you?  Who else will hold you when you are sad and will actually understand why you need to be held?  Who else can you laugh with?  Who else will laugh at you?  Who else can you share inside jokes with?  Who else can you dance to Taylor Swift with?  WHO??  I argue that there is nobody else.  Your girlfriends are it.  They remind you of your purpose, of your significance, when nobody else can.  They accept your crazy, and they might even give your crazy a run for its money.  They are our salvation.  They are our inner peas.