Strong

Recently, over dinner, I asked a dear friend why when other people were having a bad day, he always showed up with a cup of coffee and encouraging words, but when I was having a bad day he busted my balls about it.  Like I was some sort of whipping boy for his sadistic inner child.  He looked at me and said “Because they aren’t as strong as you are.  They need support.  You need to get back to work.”  And we laughed.  Hahahahahaha.  Hilarious.  At the time, I was so flattered by that statement.  Yeah.  I’m strong!  I don’t need any support.  I got this!!!  All.  By.  My.  Self. 

As I was revealing in my independence and, perceived emotional strength, I started thinking about those words.  And the logic just didn’t really make that much sense.  Kind of like when your  boss needs something done, and they go to the same person over and over.  You know, the person who can be “trusted” to complete a task?  The reward for being trustworthy and efficient is more work.  Don’t misunderstand, it’s a privilege to be the trusted source of quality performance.  It’s nice to be the person people go to for answers and output.  Also, eventually, it get’s exhausting to be the only person you work with who get’s asked to stay late or asked to put out a fire you didn’t start.  Before too long, even the most promising employees become tired and feeble.

It’s kind of the same thing when people think you are “strong.”  If you can carry your own weight and stand up for yourself and still laugh about how you live your life, then you can handle anything.  So, they throw everything at you.  Aw, that’s so awesome that you’re independent; let me make you feel like shit because you are alone.  Well, that’s cute that you can defend yourself, I’m going to talk just enough shit to you to make me feel better about myself, and still revel in the fact that I have other people on my side.  Oh, you laugh at yourself, let me laugh at you, too.  That’ll make everyone feel better. 

Weeeeellll…It actually doesn’t make me feel better.  While I am honored to have people in my life who think I’m strong enough to be the butt of every joke, it get’s tiring after a while.  It’s all perspective.  The people who think I’m strong are the same people I feel the weakest around.  Those who think I’m weak, are the first asses I will eat for breakfast tomorrow. I always encourage conversation, especially conversation that I initiate.  But, before you judge me or you think it’s funny to make jokes about me, remember this:  I am only as strong as the leash that connects us.  If you think you need to manipulate me or chastise me or use me, I’m stronger than the tie that binds us.  I may be easily fooled, at first.  But mark my words, after a couple weeks, years, decades, or so, I’ll figure out your game.  And I will counter.  In a big way. 

People always like to throw in commentary about being strong.  Everyone wants to be inspirational.  Everyone wants to have an answer.  Everyone wants to tell you how to get strong.  How to be strong.  How to teach strong.  Well, that’s great.  Thank you for your fucking inspiration, but I’ve grown up with strong.  I’ve surrounded myself with strong.  I’ve even had the privilege to teach strong to other people.  And, believe me, when you are strong, you don’t EVER punish others for their strength.

-Inner Peas