Saturday, December 28, 2013

No Offense


*DISCLAIMER:  If you have a penis and you are reading this right now, this is clearly not directed at you.  If it were, you wouldn’t be reading this right now. Thank you and goodnight. 

I’ve been getting really offended by stupid shit lately.  I don’t know why.  Like stupid shit.  Shit that shouldn’t piss me off.  But it does.  Remember that tantrum I threw about the guy who sued his wife for their ugly children?  And then there was that article about how young people are so disinterested in sex that they check their text messages and social media instead of concentrating on getting off?  THAT PISSED ME OFF SO BAD!!!  I don’t know why.  It just did.  Then there was this.  This fucking “ecard.”  (Please see above.)  If for some reason you can’t see the image, I will give you a brief overview of what’s going on.  It a picture of two men standing together.  The text reads:  “Don’t try to understand women.  Women understand woman and that’s why they HATE each other.”   They hate each other.  That’s what it says.  AAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m real pissed about this.  Who wrote that?  And who thought it was philosophical enough to share with the internet?  WHO????  Clearly, it was a man.  Probably a man who doesn’t particularly care for strong women.  Or women in general, for that matter.  I can accept that.  I know that there are a lot of men who feed on drama as much as some of their female counterparts.  I know that there are men out there who like women who have no friends or confidence or support.  I also know that the men who like that kind of woman don’t actually like women.  Men like that just use women for the comforts they can provide.  Cooking.  Cleaning.  Sex.  And, sadly, those are the men who are always with a woman who is entirely too good for them.  So, now, I’m going to break this down for you.

In the event that you are one of those men, or even one of those women, who think that women “hate” each other, let me share a few insights to the female psyche for you:

1.)     Women do NOT hate each other.  This may be the most ridiculous statement ever.  Woman, real women, embrace each other.  We embrace our differences.  We cherish our similarities.  We may not always understand each other, but we don’t ever understand men, so there.  We don’t hate each other.  We’re really fucking busy and we don’t have time for all of that. 

2.)    Women take care of each other more than men take care of us.  Believe it or not, it’s true.  We first learn to take care of ourselves.  Then we learn to take care of those we are responsible for.  Then we take care of each other.  I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had a girlfriend come to my rescue.  If I need a shoulder, I know my girlfriends will take care of me.  If I need a day without Radley, I know my girlfriends will take him.  If I need an egg or a ride or a fucking hug, my girlfriends will take care of it.  We take care of each other. 

3.)    Women do, in fact, understand each other.  We do.  And we don’t hate each other because of it.  In fact, we love that nobody gets us but us.  When we feel fat, who do we ask first?  Another woman.  Because another woman will never tell you that you could stand to lose ten pounds.  A woman will bring you a pizza and éclairs and a Nicholas Sparks movie.  Yeah, we fucking get each other.  We get each other so much, that when we don’t fit in our favorite jeans anymore, your girlfriends pull your ass out of bed and make you run it off.  So, yeah.  Women do understand other women.  ALSO, we never buy each other lame jewelry.  When we buy each other jewelry, it’s not because we think that’s what our girlfriends want, it’s because it’s fucking awesome! 

   4  )    Women find strength in each other, not weakness.  Women talk.  Women feel.  Women nurture.  Women relate.  To each other.  It’s what we do.  When I feel the weakest, I don’t go cry to a man about needing to be taken care of.  I go to my girlfriends and tell them that I’m sad.  In return, they tell me that they understand and they offer their love and experience as comfort.  They do the same thing to me.  When my girlfriends have problems, they come to me, or maybe, I go to them.  I hold them and tell them how we can fix it.  Together.  That’s what women do.  That’s how women find strength in each other.  When women feel weak, they look to other women to get stronger. 

5.)    Women don’t hate men.  Women hate men who stereotype women.  For example, this.  Some man thought it was funny to pit women against other women.  Is that what you think of us?  You think that we HATE each other because YOU don’t understand us?  Or maybe it’s because some men can’t see women beyond tits and dishes.  I don’t know what the answer is.  I don’t know why some men think that women are so shallow and weak they can’t have any other feeling but hatred for each other. 

6.)    FINALLY.  WOMEN DO NOT HATE WOMEN!!!  We may not always like each other.  But men don’t always like other men either.  We all have fundamental differences that separate us, just as we have similarities that connect us.  But as you learn from experience, you can distance yourself from what you don’t particularly care for, and you can focus on what you do.  Women don’t hate other women.  And men who think that they do probably need to pay more attention to what women are actually doing. 

I know this all sounded pretty hostile and resentful.  And it should.  Because I’m pissed.  This is not a feminist statement.  This is just a statement.  Women are way more than a bunch of catty whores.  We’re not trying to put up walls; we are just trying to survive.  Also, I’m not saying that some women don’t behave poorly towards other women.  Usually, though, those women are assholes to everyone.  So, don’t judge my vagina because someone else with a vagina doesn’t respect herself, or those around her. 


-Inner Peas

1 comment: