Getting Older
I’ve been thinking a lot about time and age and how we sometimes
fail to notice that time has aged us. I
don’t know why. Well, actually, I could
probably venture a guess or two. It
could be because I am generally the oldest person in the room at work. Or maybe because I am always the oldest
person in the room at home. It could be
because I’ve been trying to revisit my formative years a lot to figure out
where Radley is at, developmentally. It could be because on my last birthday, my 33rd
birthday, a dear friend told me “you don’t look a day over 40.” It might even because, the other day when
Radley was sick, I turned on the Science channel and watched this show called “Into
the Wormhole” with Morgan Freeman and it was about how the passing of time is
an illusion that humans created to help explain life’s uncertainty. It was way too far over my head for me to
make any sense out of…but between the program content and the fact that I was watching Science
channel instead of MTV, clearly makes a statement about my age. And it probably fucked with my psyche a
little, too. So anyway, I’ve been
thinking a lot about getting older.
Glory Days
Several times this week, I caught myself talking about a
different time or thinking of myself in that same time. Yesterday I asked this guy “Hey, do you know ‘such
and such,’ he was stationed there in 2007.”
There was silence. Then he said “Uh…Ang…Nobody
here now was here in 2007.” Oh
right. Because that was SIX YEARS AGO???
Sometimes, I still think it might be
2007. Or earlier, even. Right
now, Eve 6 is playing on iTunes. For all
I know, it’s 1997. Anyway. Later,
I was talking to someone else about a
dive bar I frequented in my early 20’s. I
told him I was an icon there. He asked “Is
that place still open?” [serious
face] “YES IT’S STILL OPEN!!!!!” [internal sad face] “Is it still?” That’s when I got quiet. It hit me.
I am NOT in my twenties anymore. And
I am no longer an icon. My day’s purpose
is no longer getting out of work on time to have beer and wings at Scobies. My
weekends of BBQs and concerts and sports have been gone for years. My strategic
plans to save the world have been replaced with ambitions of keeping my child
clothed, fed and housed. AND, in the off chance I do go to a bar, I
have to pay for my drinks now. What is that about? When did it happen?
Knees
I’ll tell you when it happened. It happened the morning of my 30th
birthday. When I got out of bed and fell
down because both of my knees gave out on me.
I always give my friends a hard time when they turn thirty. Because that’s when you notice your bones
ache, you realize that you should be wearing your glasses, you drink twice as
much coffee to stay awake in the morning and people actually start looking
younger than you do. It starts with your
knees on the morning of your 30th birthday, and every day after
that, you realize something else that makes you feel old. Like the kid who never heard of Top Gun.
I’m sorry. There is no excuse for
that. These kids are growing up in the
technological age. They should know Top Gun.
And Gremlins. And The
Breakfast Club. And when they tell
me they don’t know what I’m talking about, I secretly can’t wait for them to
have to grow up. And by grow up, I mean
I can’t wait until their knees fail them on their 30th
birthday. Or for the day they read
Smithsonian magazine instead of Maxim.
Oh wait, never mind. They don’t
teach reading anymore.
Growing up
Life was advertised to be different. When you were a child, you were taught that
by the time you hit a certain age, you are grown. You don’t have to worry about any of those
awkward growing pains anymore. You just
get to do your own thing. And you will
be happy doing your own thing. Because
it’s yours…You get to make the rules. I
wish I had a buzzer from one of those old 80’s game shows to buzz right
now. Because that is wrong. You don’t ever get to do your own thing. You don’t ever get to be your own boss. If you are going to be a responsible member
of the community, you always have rules to follow. You
have to accept the consequences of too many late bar nights, too many
squandered opportunities, and too many debts to pay. However, you also get to enjoy the benefits
of experience, knowledge, the humility that only time can teach. I don’t know if it’s a fair tradeoff, but if
you are aware, you realize that your only option is to keep growing. Even if it hurts (your knees). That’s where we have to find our inner
peas.
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