AAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Inner Monologue

What does your inner monologue sound like?  Mine generally sounds like this:  AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   AAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME???????   AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s the inside of my head.  Every day.  Let me give you a brief glimpse into my day. 

0510:  First alarm.  It’s not loud.  It’s not obnoxious.  It’s just early.  And even if I’m up, I still turn it off.  I hate it.  I HATE 5:10. 

0530:  Next alarm.  Really?  So soon? 

0547:  Two minutes after third alarm.  AAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  Ok.  I’ll get up.  I’ll go get in the shower, but I’m not making any promises for the rest of the day.  I hate 5:47.  I want to sleep until the next 5:47.  Asshole. 

0607:  Get Radley out of bed.  My very favorite part of the day.  I love it when a five year old tells me he doesn’t want to go to work. 

0618:  The sixth time I have to tell Radley to brush his teeth.  Every morning.  For the last three years. 

0628:  “RADLEY!!!  Get in the car!!!  We’re going to be late!!!”

0631:  For fuck sake!!!  This is my last pair of hose.  WHY IS THERE A RUN???????

0640:  “Radley, why aren’t you buckled in?”  “I can’t do it, mommy.”  Ok.  It’s cool you did it every day for the last two years when we AREN’T going to school. 

0654:  At school.  “Radley, Why aren’t you getting out of the car.  Radley  why aren’t you getting out of the car.  RADLEY!!!” 

0659:  Pass ITC Ingham on the way out of school.  “So, Ang, I see you won’t be on time for work again.”  You’re right, Todd.

0706:  Walk past chief with head down as he giggles “Sorry, I’m six minutes late.  Again”

0707:  Walk past Green with head down:  “Sorry, I’m six minutes late.  Again.”  Dave will say “No problem, gorgeous, here’s your coffee.”  Thank God for Dave. 

0708:  Log in. 

0716:  Finally logged in. 

0717:  IM reads : “Hey, can you tell me this person’s duty status?”

0717:  IM reads:  “I need an appointment.”

0717:  IM reads: “has my student made it up there yet?

0717:  IM reads:  “Are you going to run the 5k?”  WHAT???? NO!!!!!!  When have I ever run a 5k???????

0718:  Phone rings:  “Hey Ang.  I need an appointment for a guy who got busted for DUI over the weekend.”  Good news, I just logged in. 

0720:  IM reads:  “Do you have a memo for some crazy obscure condition that isn’t even a medical function?”  Of course I do.  Give me a minute.

0800:  Patient walks in:  “I broke my arm three days ago and I drove here 60 miles, after I passed four hospitals and six urgent care clinics.”  ……….  Uh…………….

0802:  Smoke pit.  Thank you smoke pit. 

0813:  Phone rings:  “Hi Angela.  It’s your favorite…”  Please hold. 

0814:  Phone rings:  “Can you please connect me with TRICARE?”  No.  They are a walk in service center only. 

0815:  IM reads:  “So, what was that duty status?” 

0821:  Forwarding health records, until there’s a shadow over my shoulder…Shadow says “Ms. Angela, do you have the number for…?”  Sure.  I’ll get it out of global.  I see your outlook isn’t working. 

0830:  To myself “Is it too early for smoke pit again?”  Yes.  Forward more records.

0909:  Smoke pit again.  Thank you smoke pit. 

0915-1059:  More of the same.

1106:  To lunch or not to lunch.  No, it’ll be quiet.  I’ll stay for lunch. 

1107:  Oh look, a crisis.  I should have gone to lunch.

1148:  Smoke pit.  Thank you.  Again.

1158:  IM reads:  “WHERE IS MY MEMO??????”

1159:  Email: Fwd:  MEMO.

1200:  Forward health records.

1259:  Email:  “Please block my 02AUG”

1301:  Email:  “Yessir.  02AUG blocked.”

1320:  “I think I have chlamydia.”  Excellent.  This is new.  Well at least newer.   “Sure, let’s get you an appointment for that.  Also…Don’t have sex with anyone until after your appointment.” 

1330:  Duty picks.  Oh no.  Did I really miss 1330 smoke pit?  AAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1334:  My uncontrollable sobbing is relieved by a kindhearted relief.  Smoke pit.  Ahhhh…..

1400:  Forward health records.  Ok.  Just do it. 

1402:  “Do you have any records for me to QA?” 

1402:  “Can you find the number to…”

1402:  “Who’s the corpsman in…”

1402::  “Where is the MUNRO at now?”

1403:  Forward health records.

1420:  There comes a point in every day when you know you won’t get anything else done.  This is my point.

1421:  Forward health records.

1422:  IM:  “Have you seen my radiology report?”

1422:  OMeffingG

1423:  Forward health records.  Unsuccessfully. 

1535:  Time to get my kid.  Fuck it. 

1537:  At the car,  I think about what I need to do tomorrow.  DAMN IT!!!

1546:  Pick Radley up at school.  “I thought daddy was coming to pick me up.”

1600:  “Mommy can we please stop at the ice cream store?”

1601:  Where is my wine?????????????????

I just can’t go any further.  Tonight anyway.  That’s why the inside of my head always sounds like this:  “AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!”  

I’m grateful for every second.  EVERY SECOND.  Because if I didn’t have a day like that, I would wonder what was wrong.  I would wonder what my purpose is.  If I didn’t have to answer to someone or explain myself to someone or account for someone, then my life would be meaningless.  I would have no inner peas.