No Strings

No Strings

Strings:

Every relationship has conditions.  Friends.  Parents.  Children.  Lovers.  Colleagues.  Even your relationships with the people who deliver your mail or pick up your garbage come with conditions.  The people who walk into my clinic who are sick, lame, lazy, or otherwise incapacitated expect me to fulfill their needs.  They expect ME to do something for THEM.  My part of the agreement is to find a solution to their problem.  And usually they expect me to find a solution immediately.  Now, on the other hand, I expect something from THEM, as well.   I expect patients to responsibly participate in their own health and well-being.  I, also, expect them to be reasonable in accepting the solutions we provide for them. See?  Conditions are mutual.  Expectations are mutual.  Strings are inherent in relationships. 

Metaphor: 

Strings are a metaphor for attachment.  When you tell someone you want something with “no strings attached”, essentially you are saying “I don’t want you to expect anything from me.  I really don’t have time for obligation in my life.”  Guess what.  If you have the time to say “no strings attached”, you are already obligated. 

Strings (Yes, I said it twice.):

So, about these strings…You would never forge a friendship by starting out with “We can be friends, just don’t ever expect me to do anything for you,” right?  You wouldn’t ever look at your children and say “You don’t expect me to provide you with food, clothing, shelter, and love, do you?”  You wouldn’t even tell your mail carrier “I’m not gonna put a stamp on this bill, but make sure its ends up at the right address, huh?”  So why do we perpetually say to our lovers “Let’s have hot, sticky sex.  No strings attached’? 

Sex and Strings:

Sex is a condition.  It’s an expectation.  Doesn’t that make it a string?   Ok, so one time I had sex with a guy I met in a bar.  Never met him before, never saw him again.  That was the closest I’ve ever come to “no strings attached.”  But when we left the bar that night, we had expectations.   

I don’t care what anyone says…that guy or gal you meet in a bar and have anonymous sex with isn’t the norm.  It’s probably not anonymous either…because, generally, we don’t just hook up with people we don’t know.   There has to be a level of comfort.  There has to be some familiarity.  So, by the time you say “No strings attached, right?”  You already have tangled a web of strings in that relationship. 

More to Follow (maybe):

I hadn’t originally intended for this to be a blog post.  I mean really…My family and friends are going to see this.  But  as I made progress, I realized that it felt relatable.  And I’m not as original as I would like to think I am.  If it resonates with me, it probably resonates with a lot of people.  I’m sure we’ll have the opportunity to delve into this further as time passes.  But until then, remember to connect with your inner peas.