Send A Little Grace...

When you gonna come for me lord,

when ya gonna come for me?

I've been expecting you forever,

waiting here for you

Will you send a little grace,

its the least that you could do...

-As performed by Antje Duvekot

 

 

Grace:

Last month, when I was melting down in universally epic proportion and proceeded to burn bridges and sever ties and do whatever other cliché describes annihilating relationships, I received this song in my inbox.  From one of those, now, burned bridges.  (Take a listen.  There are very few who won’t relate, somehow…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EEiwyx84JA) Anywho,  I didn’t understand the pain or the panic or the insatiable desire to destroy meaningful relationships.  My hurt was so intense that the only relief I had was unleashing that hurt onto others…onto those I love most.   I needed a little grace.  A lot of grace, actually.  And when I listened to the lyrics of this song, I began to weep.  Tears of sorrow.  Tears of pain.  Tears of relief.  Because, what I hadn’t realized was that I needed a little emotional reprieve… just a little grace. 

When You Gonna Come for Me? 

People who know me, know that my spirituality is more natural and cosmic than it is divine.  But the scope of one’s spiritual inclination isn’t necessarily the question, nor is it the answer, when you need something to believe in.  The fact is, we all need a little grace sometimes.   And when you reach a point when the physical world no longer provides you with solace, you have to look to someplace less physical, less structured, less understandable.  You have to find your faith. 

My mom always says “replace your fear with faith, Angela.”  Even at 33, I still roll my eyes at her.   IT’S JUST NOT THAT EASY, LADY!!!!!!  But she does have a valid point.  Faith is the antithesis of fear.  Faith is the only thing that gets us through difficult times.  In all honesty, sometimes, faith is the only thing that gets me to work in the morning.  Because we have to believe that we are ambling through life’s labyrinth for some purpose.  (DISCLAIMER:  Please don’t misinterpret my meaning here.  I am not necessarily talking about a purpose that leads us heaven or reincarnation or whatever afterlife you believe in.  I am more talking about our purpose in the physical realm).  We need faith that we are here for a reason. 

Pearls (It’s a Metaphor):

So, what is this “purpose”?  What is our reason for being?  I suppose that we are all left to our own devices to try to figure those answers out for ourselves.  But I keep thinking about a line in this song:  “With all the sand that gets inside this world//We should all be mother fucking pearls.”  And so I wonder if that is our purpose.  Maybe we are here to transform from coarse particles of rock into something smooth and iridescent.  Maybe our purpose is to refine ourselves and our experiences and try to leave this world brighter and more beautiful than we found it.  And maybe our faith is the vehicle we use to make the transformation.  Not just our spirituality.  But our faith.  Our faith in ourselves.  Our faith in each other.  Our faith that we do actually have a purpose.   If you look at a string of pearls, you see that the gems are very seldom perfect.  In despite of that, you can’t help but marvel at the fact those glowing beads grew from a tiny grains of sand. 

Inner Peas:

A few nights ago, I was with a friend when this song played on iTunes.  He asked me what I thought it meant.  And without hesitation, I said “inner peace.”  All the time I had spent analyzing it, analyzing myself...and the answer was there the whole time.  It’s about everything I’ve been trying to seek and explore.  Inner peas.