Dear John,

 

Dear John,

John:

So, a few years ago, I met this guy.  His name was John.  When I first met him, he struck me as a giant douche bag.  Always go with your first impression, right?  Well, many notable people in my life have told me “Angela, you are a terrible judge of character.  Never go with your first impression.”  So, I didn’t.  And I fell in love with this guy…John. 

Metaphor (Yes…everything is a metaphor to me.)

So, who is John?  John is the guy who picks up hookers down in the tenderloin.  John is the guy who gets a termination letter from his old lady while he’s deployed.  John isn’t just any Tom, Dick, or Harry.  John is John.  He isn’t just your ordinary Joe.  John is who he is.  Sometimes he’s a victim.  Sometimes he’s a predator.  But John is always different.  He always has a struggle.  He is the metaphor for humanity, particularly for the male gender. 

My John:

Who is MY John, you ask? My John is different.  My John is a solitary creature.  My John only feels accomplishment by committing himself to his profession.  My John doesn’t talk a lot.  He doesn’t let people in.  He doesn’t get attached.  He has lost a lot.  But, my John doesn’t EVER show weakness.  My John is also very humble.  He believes that his purpose is to contribute to the greater good.  He holds others accountable for their actions, because in John’s world, someone could die from ineptitude.   

Dear John, I will Always Love You:

Maybe you are wondering why I would dedicate an entire afternoon to writing about “John.”  I’ve asked myself the same question.  But this is the thing…John isn’t just a metaphor.  John is a constant.  He’s always there.  Even when I ignore him.  He’s there.  Even when he tries to ignore me, he’s there.  And I will always love him.  I will always love his honest, reliable, callous, and sometimes vulnerable nature.  Always. 

The Point:

I always write for a reason.  Usually, I write to understand my feelings or to find closure.   I humor myself with the idea that other people will read what I have to say and relate, on some level.  In all of this time, I have never written about John.  And I have never been able to close the door on him.  I know, now, that I never will.  I will love John forever.  But I don’t have to be in love with John forever.  I can never move forward in any relationship until I accept John for what he meant in my life.  John is John.  No pretense.  No Bullshit.  I don’t ever want him to NOT be a part of my life.  He brings an air of reality and responsibility to every interaction.  He makes my crazy seems subtle. But he's always going to be there.  And I am going to always love him.   So, I needed to address his ever looming presence in my life so that it helps me find my inner peas.