It seems I’ve heard that a lot lately. “We’re all just doing the best we can.” I read it in books and in blogs. I see it in movies and on TV. I hear it from judgmental eyes, hiding behind
sympathetic voices. “We’re all just
doing the best we can.” I particularly
enjoy when they add “with what we have.”
Because what we have, determines how we should live our lives. Right?
The deeper I delve into single mommydom, the more I hear it and the more
I try to understand it. I appreciate
that when you feel like you are at the end of your rope and you’ve exhausted
every lifeline, that’s a good outlook. It’ll
keep your head above water, before you sink into a hollow, dark abyss. I appreciate it for the survival value. But, otherwise, I’m not sure I’m onboard with
this philosophy. So, let me get this
straight, “we’re all just doing the best we can with what we have?” Like it’s some sort of validation for living in
mediocrity.
But this is the thing.
If you are just doing the best you can, you don’t ever aspire to be
better than what you can actually be.
You are only maintaining the status quo.
You are towing the line. Which is
good. If that’s all you ever dreamed
of. But, if you have ever dreamed of
doing more or being better or having a louder voice, then doing the “best you
can” with “what you have” should never be the end.
Today, I sat in a meeting.
I love meetings. (insert sarcasm
here) Meetings are important. Meetings are where “brain storming”
happens. Meetings are also where ‘group
think” happens. Anyway, today, in a
meeting, I made a very clear point about how attitude and workplace climate are
perceived and why. I aired my grievances.
I felt real accomplished. After
all, meetings are where you make your statement. I said
what I had to say. The best answer I got was “she’s not happy,
let’s fix that for her.” The first thing
I thought was “Wow. Thanks guys. For loving me enough to try to alleviate the
pain” The second thing I had was “Wow. That
was nice, but this isn’t about me. This
is about everyone.” But the end result was still: “let’s fix it for her.”
Every rational emotion I felt told me to scream out lout “NO!!! It’s not about you fixing it for me. It’s about me fixing it for me.” I
didn’t say that though. Instead, I refused
to make eye contact, while they discussed the ways to make my life better. And, it occurred to me, as I sat listening to others try to make me feel better about my
existence , that I can do better. I also
realized that those people could be doing better. We should all be doing better. We shouldn’t just be doing the best with what
we have.
Now, I’m not saying that life isn’t hard. It is. Really FUCKING hard. But our choices, our experiences, our bruises are NOT excuses for
complacency. We only make it harder on
ourselves when we lower our standards. When
others greet us with low expectations; when they want to save us from ourselves,
we are only perpetuating the idea that we cannot do better. That’s not doing the best we can with what we
have. It only means we are doing the best we can
to maintain mediocrity.
Go out. Do more. Find better. DO NOT LET OTHER'S FIX YOU. Because nobody can make you better. Only you can.
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