DIY

I keep seeing this cute little quote floating around social media.  You know, because social media is the best place to find your inspiration.  It’s also the best place to declare your victories and remind others of their shortcomings.  What did we do before social networking?  I guess we just had to be pretentious assholes directly to other human beings.  We didn’t have the virtual buffer of the internet to minimize our passive-aggressive efforts to make those around us acknowledge how charmed we wanted our lives to seem.  Essentially, Facebook is like Mean Girls, for the entire internet community.  Anyway, back to this nugget of arrogance, disguised as love and equality I keep seeing infecting the social media channels.  It says, very definitively, in black and white “A real woman can do it herself.  A real man won’t let her.”  Aw…That’s sweet.  And VERY progressive. 

At first, I thought it was cute.  I was happy for my friends who felt so confident in their relationships to make such an assured statement the worth of their partners, and themselves.  Then, I started to wonder what those words actually meant?  “A real woman can do it herself.  A real man won’t let her.”  The entire statement just seemed erroneous to me.  I wondered what women were trying to say about their worth, versus the worth of their male companions.  Is she saying even though she is capable, she shouldn’t have to do it because there’s a man around?  Is she saying that I want a man to take care of me?  Or is she saying that she just doesn’t want to do it all by herself anymore?  And what exactly are we talking about?  Dishes?  Laundry?  Yard work?  Sex?  What does it mean? 

After, I had seen the statement made no less than 12 times over the course of a week, I started to get a little offended.  I started to question the motives behind those words.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I understand that we all need a little help sometimes.  I know that some relief from responsibility keeps us sane.  I also know what it’s like to get trapped in a place where pride and independence inhibits you from asking for help, or even accepting it when it’s offered.  But are you really telling me that life is a fucking fairytale?  Do you really expect me to believe that you CAN do everything, but instead you would ALLOW a man to do it for you?  This is gender socialization at its very basic, people.  This is the Princess Principle at its finest.  Essentially, you are saying that you CAN do it, but because you have a vagina, you shouldn't HAVE to do it.  You are telling other women that “real women” deserve a provider, not an equal. 

Come on ladies.  We should have come further than this by now.  We know that men can fold laundry and go to the grocery store and cook dinner.  We also know that women know the way to the hardware store, the batting cages, and the lawnmower.  For fuck sake, we even know how to build bird houses, hit a softball and cut the grass.   What are we teaching our daughters when say things like “Just because you have the ability to do something, doesn’t mean you should actually do it?”  Also, what are we teaching our sons when we say asinine bullshit like that?  We are telling them that woman only want men who will take care of them.  This is how we stay stagnant.  This is how we raise children who only know what gender stereotypes tell them they should be.  Then they feel ashamed of themselves if they don’t conform.  Or even worse, our children become too confident if they do conform. 

Now granted, I get offended by seemingly harmless statements on a pretty regular basis. I understand it’s not because people intend to be hurtful or ambivalent, it’s because a difference of perspective often makes me think “What the fuck?”  Or “where is this fucking utopia you speak of?”  We all expect something different out of life.  Some of us expect to be taken care of.  Others expect to take care of others.  That isn’t gender specific.  And under no circumstance, should it ever be.  We should all know how to take care of ourselves.  We should also know how to take care of others.  But we should NEVER expect others to take care of us.

-Inner Peas