Expectations

Let me ask you a question.  Have you ever walked into your doctor’s office at 7:AM and demanded to be seen because you didn’t feel well?  My guess is no.  You have not.  For several reasons.  Most notably, because if you tried to walk into a private practice before the sun came up, you’d only be greeted by locked doors.  Because at seven in the morning, your doctor probably hasn’t even brewed his first pot of coffee yet, and he most certainly is NOT waiting in his office to treat your ailments.  Also, in the event you walked into your doctor’s office and demanded to be seen, on sight, at seven AM or any other time, you’d be greeted by the hostile faces of the appointed patients who were already there, waiting for a date with their doc that they had made weeks in advance.  So, no.  You would never do that.  You would call your doctor and make an appointment and wait to be seen.  Then, when you got to your doctor’s office, and they doctor was running behind, because he was dealing with a medical emergency (believe it or not, this happens to doctors), if your visit was important, you’d wait until he had time to see you.  If it wasn’t important, you’d talk to the front desk and find a mutually convenient time to reschedule for.  Right?  That’s what you would do.  Unless you were really sick.  Like real sick.  Like a high fever and difficulty breathing and coughing up blood.  Then you’d drive to the nearest urgent care clinic.  You’d register and then, you would sit and wait, until it was your turn to be seen.  And if you were REALLY sick, like passed out on the floor sick, somebody would take you to the emergency room, where, in an emergency situation, you would be seen immediately.  Right?  That’s how it works.  Right? 

Now that we are all in agreement about that, let me pose  another question.  Hypothetically speaking, you get a really good job.  A job with VERY fair pay and excellent benefits.  A job with remarkable advancement potential.  Let’s just say, that this is a job that is guaranteed for you until you retire, only there are a few requirements for you to maintain your employment.  These requirements aren’t necessarily unreasonable, but they are non-negotiable.  You are excited to take this job.  The economy sucks.  You’re guaranteed a paycheck and a lifestyle that is far exceed most of your peers.  As you sit with the HR girl, and you sign the “conditions of employment” page in your new hire package, you see that your new employer is going to require you to keep your credentials up to date.  Not a problem, right?  For a job that is going to substantially improve your lifestyle, that’s totally worth it.  You have no problems when you sign your contract.  But then your credentials expire.  What do you do?  Do you call the HR girl and say “I’m not going to do it.  I don’t want to and it’s going to make my life too hard for a little while?”  Again, my guess is no.  You do not.  Because as soon as you say that to the HR girl, she calls your boss and initiates your termination paperwork.  If you have a really good boss, she might come to you and say “Hey, I see you aren’t in compliance with the terms of your employment.  If you demonstrate an effort to meet the standards, we might be able to save your job.”  That’s IF your boss cared.  If she didn’t, let’s be honest, you’d be done. 

These are expectations.  These are the unwritten rules of survival.  You do what you do to keep yourself healthy and employed.  I’m the same way, no different from any other working slob.  I have a lot of expectations.  For example, I expect my employers to ALWAYS change the rules of their game.  I expect them to never give me enough time to get ahead.  I expect that I have to be really FUCKING sick before I seek medical treatment.  Because it’s gonna cost me A LOT of money if I have to go ask my doctor for a prescription for Mucinex or a day off work.  Also, generally, she won’t see me at 7:AM.  I’m fucked, either way.

So, let’s just say, I’m sick.  I don’t feel good.  I have to be at work at the ass crack of dawn.  I get in the shower, I’m puking up something I’ve never seen before.  I have to get my kid out of bed and get him ready for school, while I’m still yaking my brains out.  After I tell this child 27 times to get in the car, I finally get him bucked in.  And we’re off.  Then I am overcome with fear.  I drive the eight miles, with white knuckles.  It’s unexplainable.  I finally get to work.  And the first thing I say to anyone is “We don’t have sick call anymore.  It’s been a year.  The Coast Guard does not have sick call anymore.”  Then the look.  The look says it all.  It says:  ‘do you even work here?  I’m sick and I need medical treatmen50t.  Now.”  And at 7:13, every morning, I have to look a grown person in the face and tell them “I can get you an appointment to see the doctor later in the day.  Until then, you can stop at the pharmacy and pick up some over the counter medications to get you through until 8:50.  Thank you for being patient with us.”  Then, before 8:00, I’ll say the same thing to three more people.  Then by nine, I will have received at least two phone calls from people who are morally, socially or religiously opposed to vaccinations.  I’ll say, again, “I’m sorry sir.  Policy is 100% for flu shots.”  Then, at 8:30, after I have sworn off people for the day, I’ll get an IM that reads “I got an email that I need my OMSEP.  I don’t have time to come up for that.”  Oh, I’m sorry.  I don’t have time for you to tell me you don’t’ have time.  Because there are 1,100 of you…So, I’m kind of busy. 

Do I look like the fucking Commandant?  Clearly , I do not.  I don’t even wear a uniform.  And I still have hair.  Don’t mistake my position for his authority.  If you don’t like that guy’s policies, CALL HIM.  I don’t want to be the enforcer of the rules.  I want to hug people and drink wine and laugh a lot.  Unfortunately, my job requires enforcement.  Because people want to fight the very minimal stipulations of their very high paying jobs.  It’s real simple: Go to work.  Keep your credentials.  If you are too sick to work, tell us, we’ll take care of you.  If you are too busy to keep your credentials, don’t blame us.  We didn’t’ make the rules.  We just want to keep you healthy and employed.  The rest is up to you.