SEX

So.  Last night I read this article about how “the Millennial’s,” the generation behind me, are having the best sex ever.  I didn’t think much of it.  I always assume that everyone is having better sex than I am.  On account of I’m not having any sex at all.  I was more than prepared to write a revolutionary exposé about how these kids are on to something and maybe the rest of the world should take heed of what they are doing.  They masturbate.  They watch porn.  They are accepting of homosexuality.  They are even experimenting with same sex sex.   Awesome, right?   Then, I made the mistake of asking of others opinions.  And, of course, the responses made me think.  I hate that.  I’m sort of a narcissist, and I really hate when other people give antagonizing feedback.  I don’t want to think about your ideas if they differ from my own.  I am right.  I know I am right.  And I will write about how I am right. 

Unfortunately, in this situation, opposing ideas showed up all over the place.  So much that I couldn’t ignore all of the glaring signs that would make my “assumed” argument in favor of these Millennial’s seem ignorant.  So, I took a deep breath.  I took a long pull off of a sweet apple vodka-tonic.  And I started thinking about what other people had to say about sex.  About how we envision sex.  About how we “see” sex. And about how Millennial’s see life.  I got a few comments online.  I got some text messages.  I even got a phone call.  Wow.  Somebody cared enough to pick up the phone.  I guess sex is a hot button issue for everyone.   

Now, before I start, please remember, I do believe in enjoying sex to its fullest.  Also, be reminded, I haven’t had really good sex in a long time.  A VERY long time.  Part of that is my fault.  So, I am not attacking anybody here.  But again, a lot of things happened to me today, that made me rethink how I was going to spin this free love and sex and sexual orientation conversation that I was going to OWN, on behalf of this article. 

I really hate numbered blogs, but I’m about to make one.  The things That made me think about sex since last night

1.)     FACEBOOK.  I got a few “likes” when I asked for feedback.  I’m not surprised.  Most of the people I know aren’t comfortable enough with sex to like anything with “sex” in the content.  The “likes” the post did get, were pretty obvious.  Those were from people who were comfortable enough with their sexuality to publically announce that they wanted to know where I was going with this crazy public sex talk.  And the even braver, left comments.  Comments like “This my generation!”  Or “What is Sex??”  Or, the very brazen response that sex is not as good as it used to be.  (x2)

2.)  Sex Band-Aid:  Yes.  It’s a song.  By the folk queen,  Antje Duvakot.  “I don’t need your baggage, I don’t need your grief…I need you like a cigarette, I need you like my whiskey. Drag me down you are the ground, I am gravity…Throw a sex band-aid on my open wounds.  Kiss me, I will swallow my pride.”  Right?  Isn’t that what we all are willing to accept when the fantasy of good sex eludes us? 

3.)   A text from a friend that said “I’m going to stay in fairyland where sex equals love.”  The words from a counterpart in love’s deceitful game.  A thirty something divorcee.   This caught my attention, though.  I tried to counter.  I said “I wish.  Sex and Love just haven’t gotten me very far.”  Then she said something crazy.  She said something that I wasn’t expecting.  She said “where has promiscuity got you, this far?  Or where has it gotten me, for that matter?”   I told her that I think that sexual liberation is a magnificent idea.  I never have been.  And I REALLY want a little sexual freedom in my life.  Then she said, “When you have sex with somebody, you leave a piece of yourself with them.”  Great.  Thanks for ruining sexual liberation for me.

4.)  That guy.  You know the guy.  The one who always shows up at the most inopportune times.  The one who stole my heart with stories of his bad choices and feelings of apathy towards everyone he has ever known?   You know that guy.  I’ve told his story here 1,000 times.  Well, that guy showed up this morning, unannounced.  And it took me by surprise.  Because there was a time when I was so captivated with him that I abstained from sex for nearly two years, waiting, hoping, that he would find his way back to my bed again.  So, yeah.  I felt like a hypocrite writing about how free love and sex are going to rid us of our demons, when my demon stared me in the face, as he reluctantly wrapped his arms around my waist, when I demanded that he hug me.  And for the first time, I was the first to step away from the hug.  Because with him, I always want a hug to be more than a hug.  I want to the sex we had to be the love we made.   

Millennials:  Your view of sex is remarkably admirable.  Hippies:  You pioneered sexual liberation.  Of course, you turned out to be more prudent than your parents were before you.  So did we all.  Sex is never as sexy as it was in the beginning.  But it’s so good.  Let’s don’t forget why we do it.  Let’s also don’t forget why we shouldn’t do it.   We cannot preclude sex because love is absent.  We also shouldn’t make love a condition of sex. 

-Inner Peas