Dicks

Bad behavior

I encounter questionable behavior on a pretty regular basis.  I’m pretty sure we all do.  And every time I have one of these interactions, I think about how I should write about it make some poignant social statement about being good to each other and catching more flies with honey, than with vinegar and never underestimating that power of unexpected kindness, and all sorts of other bullshit…I always think that I’m going to turn those situations into a moment of clarity where we all hug and cry and dance and appreciate each other for our diversity and our imperfections.  But then days like today happen.  On days like today, I don’t want to dance or hug or laugh.  Because poor behavior isn’t laugh-worthy.  It shouldn’t’ be celebrated.  Poor behavior only demonstrates poor character, poor decision making, and poor upbringing.
 

Here are a few of the most common displays of poor behavior…

Liars

No let’s be clear.  We all lie.  EVERYBODY lies.  It’s human nature.  I lie all the time to my kid when he asks me what happened to our cat, Banana.  Banana got hit by a car.  But I didn’t think that my four year old needed the image of his cat lying in the middle of the road, bloody and gruesome, to mull over in his mind.  So, I told him that Banana ran away.  I lie to my mom, on days like today, when she calls and asks how I’m doing.  I say “fantastic!”  Because she is sick and she doesn’t need to hear my bullshit, when she can barely walk.  I lie to patients all the time when they ask “Do you think I’m dying?”  I always tell them, somberly, “more than likely…yes.”  I guess that’s not really a lie.  Even though they may not be dying from shin splints or an upper respiratory infection, everybody’s dying.  Point is, we all lie, from time to time.  It’s  a survival mechanism.  HOWEVER.  When you lie to someone, intentionally, to further your own agenda, and you think they don’t know you are lying to them, essentially, you’re  saying “I think you are stupid.  And I’m going to benefit from your stupidity.”  I recently had a conversation with a friend, who also happens to be a colleague, about a person he is responsible for.  And I said “Uh….This girl is malingering.”  And my friend got real obstinate and said “You can’t say that, Ang.  That’s like calling somebody a liar.”  WHHHATTTT????  Somebody lie?  To you????  NO!!!!!!  But my only response was “Listen.  People lie to me every day.  I know what it looks like.”  Guess what.  Two weeks later that same guy called me and said “We gotta take care of this.  This girl isn’t being honest.”  WHHHHAAAAATTTTT????? 

The backdoor friend

I talk a lot about getting back-doored.  For those who don’t understand the term, you haven’t ever been back-doored.  And no, this isn’t a sexual innuendo.  It is a very literal term for people who don’t get what they want when they want it, so they look to other avenues to get their “needs” met.  Usually, that avenue leads to a door that was, accidently, left unlocked.  This term applies when people try to get the keys to the playboy mansion, but can’t pay the rent.  So, they run to all the other doors, until they find one that some crazy blond left unlocked.  Then, once they get in, and you catch them there, unauthorized, they act like you were the one who gave them the keys.  These people are determined to get what they want, regardless of the means.  These are the people who are never held accountable.  These are the people who get everything they want because they are resourceful enough to find a way to get it.  You want to hate them, but the only reason you can find is that you will never be so manipulative as to get everything you want.  They’re like politicians, you want to hate them for being so deceptive, but you admire them for being so resourceful.  Even if they only get what they want at the expense of others. 

And finally…Dicks.

We’ve all been a dick before.  For most people, you only have to be a dick when you are protecting something that you cherish.  Radley’s teacher thinks I’m a dick because I don’t let her get away with humiliating my child.  That’s my job.  The principal at his school thinks I’m a dick because I won’t let him patronize me.  On more than one occasion I have had to tell a colleague “I’m not trying to be a dick, but get your shit together”  (Please reference paragraph two.)  Most people are only dicks when they are real pissed.  When they have been pushed to their limits.  But today, I got a call at work from a man who asked me to do something completely unrelated to my job.  I did it, but I also told him how to use the proper channels to get what he needed.  Then, real indignant, I got an IM from this guy, who, by the way, is a giant douche.   It said “what’s with the attitude?”  This is how I responded:  “I’m busy.  I don’t work for you.  You are largely insignificant to me.  You are not a patient. You have only been a dick to me.   I only tolerate you because we work at the same place.”  Translation:  You are a fucking dick and don’t treat me like I’m your fucking secretary. His only response was “remember that the next time you call down here.”  Like it was a threat.  What.  The.  Fuck???  You vacuum cars for a living.  I have no reason to talk to you.  Am I pissed about this?  Clearly.  But he’s not the only dick I have to deal with.  He’s not the only dick the people I work with have to deal with.  We have to deal with self entitled dicks every day.  We’re all pretty good at it.  ALL OF US. 

Be advised

Please let this be the reminder:  My soul is already black because of the hate and the abuse I have to deal with everyday.  I can deal with you, too.  But if you act like a dick and hurt any of the people I love, any of them, I will annihilate you.  I may let you lie to me.  I may let you abuse me.  I may let you manipulate me.  I may ignore it when you intentionally disrespect me.  But do not, DO NOT, let me catch you doing that to my son, my friends, my colleagues, my people.  If I find you doing it, I will destroy you.  Because my people are good. My people are honest.  They never put themselves first.  They don’t only deserve respect, but they deserve headlines for their compassion and conscientiousness.  So, please, I beg you, don’t abuse or misuse them.  Don’t be a dick to them.  They deserve better.