Constant

Not too very long ago, maybe in the last week or so, I was thinking about writing.  I sat down here, at the dining table, where I usually write at and started a blog post.  The first thing I wrote was “So, I was talking to [some random person who has magnificently impacted my life], and [this is what happened.]”  Then I thought to myself “Angela.  You have written this before.  You have to stop writing about hugs and laughs and the smoke pit and phone calls and text messages.  It’s just the same shit over and over.”  Because, let’s be honest, what I write about are human experiences.  I didn’t want that to get too monotonous.  After all, being human is monotonous and excruciating and, often, real fucking boring. 

I didn’t want to do that again.  I didn’t want to write about a conversation I had had or an experience I had or some random text message.  I thought to myself, “You can only write about that for so long before people stop reading; before your writing gets stagnate.”  Then, today, when I got a text message from a young man very dear to my heart, I realized that my Inner Peas is about my relationships with others.  If I stop writing about those relationships, they may dissipate…Those memories may be forever forfeited because I didn’t share them.  I guess my hand has been forced…

So…Today, I got this text message from a young man I revere as a friend and a confidant.  A human being I love and respect so much, I would drop most anything I am doing if he needs me.  Even if he didn’t need me that badly, I would likely, still, stop what I was doing and listen to what he said.  He’s pretty special.  Anyway, back to this text message.  At first it was just a “hey…how are ya…how’s life…how are your people?” kind of conversation.  As the conversation rolled to a close, I said “I couldn’t love you more if you were my own brother.” 

Then, I read this: “Thank you for being there and simply being consistent.  Few people understand how rare consistency is.  It’s one of the things I value most in you.”  I smiled when I read it.  Then I read it again.  After I read it for the third time, I saw my left hand covering my face, as if I was asking my soul how to understand why I was so gifted with this love. 

Naturally, I tried to save face.  I tried to be despondent with humility.  I responded with some snarky comment about not being a constant, but rather being the Edmond Fitzgerald…The Great Lakes freighter that fell apart in a storm, just miles from a safe harbor. 

But Steven wasn’t going to let me be dissent; he wasn’t going to let me be the Edmond Fitzgerald.  He said “we know each other well enough to know our bad days and our good days.  We know each other well enough to know that we are always going to be there for each other at the end of it all.” 

It took this kid to remind me that consistency isn’t an even temperament. It was a conversation about life that made me realize that we don’t choose our destiny; we only facilitate it.   It was this wonderful young man who reminded me to love with all that I have.  Because you never know who will be your constant.  You never know who will be your balance.  You never know how consistent love will change the way you live…the way you love

-Inner Peas