Real Women

Lots of talk around lately about what a “real woman” is.  Apparently a real woman has curves and tattoos and eats bacon and drinks Southern Comfort with the best of ‘em.  Or maybe a real woman is fit and wears glasses and reads books.  OR maybe a real woman raises children and cleans house and drives a minivan.  OR!!!!!  MAYBE!!!!  A real woman does all of those things.   On different nights of the week.  Or when the spirit moves them.  Or when it’s convenient to tell someone else what a “real woman” does or has or is.  I’m going to be honest with you.  This behavior is disturbing to me.  I can think of no better day, than Mother’s Day, to address the stigmas associated with women and what being a “real woman” actually means.  This is  a letter I composed a few months ago, to the women in my life. 

Dear Ladies of My Life,

I adore all of you.  We are all sisters in spirit.  We are each other’s comfort and calm.  We are friends in foul weather.  Only WE can understand each other.  We are mothers and daughters.  We are friends and lovers.  We are fixers and survivors.  Nothing has been handed to us. We have chosen to fight.  We have chosen to love.  We have chosen to be scorned.  We have all struggled.  We are our biggest allies. We are all strong.  Only we understand the weaknesses in each other.   Only we can offer support to each other in times of frailty. 

We have all realized that being a woman isn't a battle with other women, it’s sharing our experiences.  It’s sharing our strength.  It’s loving each other so that we can better each other.  Being a woman is not a competition.  There is no definition of a “real” woman.  We are all real women.  We all feel.  We all struggle.  We laugh together, when we can’t do anything else.  We love food and wine and laughter.  We eat and we drink and we find a way to survive. 

To the ladies of my life, I love you all. So much.  I am so very grateful for you.  I never would have understood acceptance if not for you.   To the ladies who have loved me, I appreciate, more than you will ever understand, the substance you have added to my being.  I am graced and humbled by your place in my life.   You are NOT the reason for this letter.  The reason for this letter is the women who see other women as the enemy.  We are not the enemy.  We have no enemies.  We only create enemies amongst ourselves.

 

So, with that said, I would like to remind you all of what it means to be a “real woman.”  Real women might have curves.  They might have tattoos.  They might cook dinner every night.  They might burn all of the dinners they try to cook.  Real women might go to the gym four times a day.  They might spend too much money at Ulta and Macy’s.  They might try too hard to be something they are not.  But, honestly, real women come in all shapes.  All sizes.  All characters.  All colors.  The one thing that REAL WOMEN do is love each other.  Real women accept each other.  Real women don’t care what their sisters look like.  They don’t care that other women have different outlooks or different opinions or different ways of living their lives.  Real women draw from the strength of other women.  Real women provide support to other women.  Real women are not threatened by other women. 

I have been PRIVILEGED to know some of the most amazing women in the entire universe.  I have been GRACED with the strongest shoulders to cry on, the biggest hearts to learn from.  I have been HUMBLED to be one of those shoulders, one of those voices, one of those hearts that other women have held sacred.  Any woman who has ever known the love and friendship of one of her peers, should know that part of being a woman is privilege, grace, and humility.  When you learn that, you learn that we are all connected. 

Sisters, I love you.  All of you.  I love you because you love and you nurture.  I love you because you are honest and transparent.  I love you because you feel and you accept.  I love you because you are real.  I love you because you accept me and want to be accepted.  I love you because you teach others how to love and be loved.  I love you because you have taught me how to love myself, therefor, you have taught me to teach others the same.  I. FUCKING.  LOVE.  YOU. 

And to my sisters who haven’t yet learned to love unconditionally, I hope that you will be graced with women, as I have, who teach you how to do so.  To my sisters who haven’t yet learned to love themselves. I believe that if you open yourself up to others, you will find the secret to loving others, comes second to loving yourself.  And I hope that you, eventually, find the serenity in yourselves.  And I hope you find the peace that comes with being loved unconditionally. 

With much love,

-Inner Peas